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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Bradley Sands' LiveJournal:

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    Sunday, May 23rd, 2010
    2:57 am
    My Heart Said No, But the Camera Crew Said Yes!

    My new story collection is officially out, so maybe I should promote it. The book is called My Heart Said No, but the Camera Crew Said Yes! This morning while waiting for the bus, I saw a man on the side of the road. He was sweaty, wearing a statue of liberty costume, and holding a sign that said, "Two days left to file!" He was sweaty because he was dancing. I think he might have also been on crystal meth, or just a lot of gourmet coffee. I approached him and said, "Hey, statue of liberty. You're really good at promoting things. Can you help me promote my new book?" He sneered and set my clothes on fire with his torch. I ran around the street in slow motion. The effect of slow motion and not dying was achieved with the assistance of film and music video director, Spike Jonez. It cost me a lot of money, so I decided to stop running in slow motion and start promoting on my blog since it's a little cheaper. I may or may not still be on fire.

    You can find all the info about the book here: http://www.bradleysands.com/books-myheart.htm

    Also, I'm offering personalized, autographed (softcover) copies through my website. During this special one-time offer, I will use my eerie powers to predict the cause of your death. You may not know about my psychic abilities, but they are something fierce. A bunch of nights ago, I was walking down the street with superstar poet, Daniel Bailey, and I was all like, "What time is it? 2:30?" And then I looked at the clock on my cell phone and it was 2:30. It was freaky! And Daniel Bailey can back me up on that shit.

    Already, I can see something comical interfering with your respiratory system's ability to function. Like Dwight Johnson from Hartford, Massachusetts. Yes, I'm talking to you, Dwight Johnson from Hartford, Massachusetts. And I'm sorry to tell you this, but you will die by....MAGNETS!!!

    My skillz will delight your friends and family, helping them through their emotional pain with the power of laughter. Accuracy guaranteed or your money back.

    Now I'm going to be totally redundant and give you that link again cause it's the place where you can make all of your death-revealing dreams come true: http://www.bradleysands.com/books-myheart.htm

    It's like a commercial on TV or something where they repeat their toll free number fifty times.

    And once again, that link is http://www.bradleysands.com/books-myheart.htm

    Operators are standing by.
    Friday, August 14th, 2009
    8:52 pm
    Issue 9 of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens
     The new issue is out.



    Includes stories by Shane Jones, Steve Aylett, D. Harlan Wilson, Christopher Higgs, Sean Casey, Ben Stein, Katy Wimhurst, and Ryan W. Bradley.

    Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, werewolves, transsexuals, and Frankenstein monsters, step right up and see curiosities and monstrosities, wonders and horrors like you've never seen before! See the terror of the Antipodes, the ferocious platypus! Behold the dark, twisted longings of the Satanic progeny of the magus Joseph Smith! For the first time anywhere see the elusive metaphor in captivity! And see the most rare and shy of entities, here for your amusement is the good life! Step right up and break through the barriers set up to protect the tender juicy white meat of your fragile mind, step right up and watch as we BUST DOWN THE DOOR AND EAT ALL THE CHICKENS!

    Buy it here: http://www.absurdistjournal.com/current.htm
    Sunday, May 31st, 2009
    8:43 am
    Moving to Boulder, Colorado tomorrow to attend Naropa University and get my MFA in creative writing.
    Monday, October 20th, 2008
    11:25 am
    New issue of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens
     #8 is out.

    Info stuff:

    Issue 8 demonstrates why this journal has been hailed as the figurehead publication for absurd and surreal literature. Throughout these pages readers will find a man with an endless supply of money in his pockets, a nun who finds teeth in her ice cream cone, and a giant mechanized Michael Ironside stalking the streets of Galveston, Texas. Readers will also find the apocalypse as experienced by the cast of Friends and a race of chickens that enslaves a man and forces him to eat the last egg ever to be eaten. No one theme or tone dominates this issue. Some stories feature mindless violence or irreal nonsense. Others display sharp cultural satire or brain-tingling wordplay. At a time when most fiction serves up the standard fare of realism and common sense, issue 8 offers a zany feast for the ravenous imagination.

    Includes stories by Sam Pink, Blake Butler, D. Harlan Wilson, Rhys Hughes, Ofelia Hunt, Cameron Pierce, Mike Young, Matthew Simmons, Darby Larson, Aaron Sitze, and Adam Breckenridge. Contains book reviews of Duncan Barlow''s Super Cell Anemia and Jeremy C. Shipp's Sheep and Wolves.

    It's five bucks plus shipping. Buy it here: http://www.absurdistjournal.com/current.htm

    Friday, April 11th, 2008
    6:16 am
    The Bizarro Starter Kit (Blue)
     The new volume of The Bizarro Starter Kit has been released.

    I have a novella in it called Cheesequake Smash-up.

    It is about a city-wide demolition derby with moving buildings where the winner gets a monopoly over the fast food industry. Skyscrapers attack!



    There's a new genre rising from the underground. Its name: BIZARRO. For years, readers have been asking for a category of fiction dedicated to the weird, crazy, cult side of storytelling that has become a staple in the film industry (with directors such as David Lynch, Takashi Miike, Tim Burton, and even Lloyd Kaufman) but has been largely ignored in the literary world, until now.

    The Bizarro Starter Kit features short novels and story collections by ten of the leading authors in the bizarro genre: Ray Fracalossy, Jeremy C. Shipp, Jordan Krall, Mykle Hansen, Andersen Prunty, Eckhard Gerdes, Steve Aylett, Bradley Sands, Christian TeBordo, and Tony Rauch.

    277 pages

    Buy it at Bizarro Central (for $7) or Amazon (for a little bit more).
    Friday, February 22nd, 2008
    12:35 am
    I have been blogging at http://www.lawngnomesinspace.blogspot.com

    It is a lot of fun. I have never done a proper blog before. It is more fun than reading any of your lj entries, except for [info]theophile's.

    I have just insulted everybody on my friends list who isn't [info]theophile. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.
    Monday, January 14th, 2008
    2:41 am
    New Issue of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens
     Issue 7 is out. It is free. It is online. It is a PDF. It begins with a letter from a dog and ends with a bag of gold. It is very good.



    It includes stories (Rhys Hughes, D. Harlan Wilson, John Edward Lawson, Sean Kilpatrick, Mike Young, Corey Mesler, Andersen Prunty, Cameron Pierce, Amelia Gray, Caleb Ross, Forrest Armstrong, Stefani Nellen, Erik Williams, Jason M. Heim, and Matt Doyle), books reviews (John Edward Lawson's Discouraging At Best and Jeremy C. Shipp's Vacation), and cover art (Jase Daniels).

    CLICK HERE TO READ THE ISSUE

    Friday, November 2nd, 2007
    1:01 am
    My next literary project will be called "500 Words on..." (that's kind of dull, so there will probably be a subtitle).

    That's assuming I don't lose interest by the time I wake up tomorrow - strong possibility.

    Now if only I can find a lamp that lights up my entire room and doesn't put me to sleep like the gruesome fluorescent lighting that's built into my light fixture.

    "The solution to your insomnia has been in front of you all along," said the good fairy, wondering what cliched movie/book/television quote she was mangling.

    Thinking about sleeping with the lights on.

    Bought a book today. The first time in centuries that I've gotten one at a physical store (bookstores around here are pretty crap). Big NYC publisher. Think it's a rerelease of a self-published book. Don't really like it so far. That's no surprise. I haven't been able to find any fiction in a while that interests me. Two people who I "know" wrote blurbs for the book. Weird.

    I need to start getting into non-fiction again. Except I don't know where to start.

    I'm no longer interested in crackpot conspiracy/metaphysical stuff, although I suppose books that are "on the outside looking in" wouldn't be so bad if they were well-written, entertaining, and interesting. It's too bad I've exhausted the books of Colin Wilson. His stuff was on those subjects, even though he was essentially writing the same book over and over again. And he wasn't a crackpot. It was interesting how regardless of the subject of each book, he would always connect it to his favorite subjects. He's kind of like David Icke if he had a brain, I found him fascinating rather than getting my pants bored off, and he didn't believe every single thing that anyone ever told him. Oh, and he doesn't believe anything ludicrous, like that the hidden truth of everything is revealed in a Rowdy Roddy Piper movie.

    Does anyone else not get reply notifications? Haven't received one in a while.
    Friday, July 20th, 2007
    1:37 am
    Heh. Who wrote, "You're a tremendous douche," in response to the negative review of It Came from Below the Belt on sfreader.com? (It's the same one that I posted about a couple of weeks ago)

    Anybody? Anybody reading this?

    I guess the "Inappropriate comments will be deleted!!" had no power over you. But they used TWO exclamation marks. You must be pretty hardcore.

    (Edit: Your comment has been cleansed. Why don't you go over there and make a post to tell the reviewer actually why you think he's a douche without being inappropriate? For instance, leave out the douche part. Eh, you'll probably never read this, but it doesn't hurt to try)

    I appreciate the sentiment, but posting anonymously makes it look like I did it.

    So listen humorless fuck reviewer guy, IT WASN'T ME. And you're not a douche. If you were a douche, you would need to have a sense of humor. Because all douches need to develop a sense of humor in order to deal with their circumstances, or else they'd be leaping to their deaths from their shelves at the drug store.
    Thursday, July 19th, 2007
    6:17 pm
    Bizarro Central
     THIS JUST IN:

    Love Bizarro fiction? This is the place for you! Don't know about Bizarro fiction? This is the place to learn more!



    Bizarro Central is the major hub for the Bizarro genre. It acts as a resource for all those new to Bizarro, a fan site for those who love Bizarro, an online community, and an online bookstore.

    With fiction, articles, comics, podcasts, author profiles, interviews, reviews, and much more.

    Right now we have fiction by Steve Aylett, D. Harlan Wilson, Vincent W. Sakowski, and John Edward Lawson.

    There's a Bizarro comic, "The Eye Hand of the Carolinas," by Andrew Goldfarb.

    And a podcast of Mykle Hansen reading from his upcoming Bizarro novel "HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!" ... the gruesome comedy about a go-getter business man who is trapped under his SUV in the middle of the woods and slowly being eaten by a bear. Mykle is a great performing reader, so subscribe to this podcast and hear a chapter a week for free, before the paperback is released in October.

    I hope you check it out. Post in the forum and say hi.
    Monday, July 9th, 2007
    2:35 am
    Temporomandibular Disorder is really fucking fantastic.
    Sunday, June 24th, 2007
    2:33 am
    In Which I Learn That I Want to Be Douglas Adams
     I received my first Arthur Papsmear-esque review!

    Since I've always thought that It Came from Below the Belt was a 'love it or hate it' sort of book, I'm surprised it took so long.

    So check it: http://www99.epinions.com/content_380300988036
    Friday, June 22nd, 2007
    3:03 am
    New issue of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens

    Cover Art by Brandon Duncan

    Featuring stories by Joey Goebel, Stephen Graham Jones, D. Harlan Wilson, Anthony Neil Smith, Jeremy C. Shipp, Bryson Newhart, Andrew Adams, Julius Henry, and Ryder Collins.

    CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO
    Wednesday, May 16th, 2007
    5:51 pm
    Issue 5 review of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens
     HorrorScope did a review. Here's the end bit since it's the most blurb-worthy:

    "Bust Down the Door and Eat all the Chickens is not the eclectic mish-mash of 'odd' stories that it may come across as. The perfect bound, full colour cover presentation places it at the more professional end of the small press fringe, and the content, though varied, comes together to lend the publication a unique and recognisable identity. The quality of the writing is high and, for the most part, beautifully executed. This magazine is a hidden treasure that deserves to be discovered by anyone after cerebral entertainment."

    READ THE ENTIRE REVIEW HERE
    Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
    8:27 pm
    Falling from the Sky Anthology released


    Falling from the Sky is out and I have a story in it. I've read a few stories so far and they're very good. It's published by Another Sky Press who do this cool Neo-Patronage thing, which basically gives you the option of buying the book direct from their website for the cost of production and shipping ($6.25) and it's up to you whether or not you'd like to give an additional contribution, 100% of which goes to the various authors (think there might also be a dollar handling fee - not sure). Next week, it will also be available on their site as a downloadable PDF.

    Here's the book info:

    Cutting edge fiction for cutting edge minds. Thirty-seven voices from around the world come together to bring you forty-six stories that defy easy categorization: grit-lit, urban, surrealist, raw, outsider, bizarro, fringe, experimental. Subtle, yet in your face. This anthology is not for the faint of heart - it takes chances, and so should you. Featuring new fiction from authors hailing from the United States, Japan, Australia, Canada, and the United Kingdom. Includes stories by: Brad Listi (Attention. Deficit. Disorder.: A Novel), Kate Holden (In My Skin: A Memoir), Tony O'Neill (Digging the Vein), Kristopher Young (Click), Jeremy Robert Johnson (Angel Dust Apocalypse), Carlton Mellick III (Satan Burger), Daniel Scott Buck (The Greatest Show on Earth), Henry Baum (Oscar Calibur Gun), Kevin Donihe (Shall We Gather at the Garden), Kenji Siratori (Blood Electric), Gina Ranalli (Chemical Gardens), and many more.

    So you can get it through the publisher's website and Amazon too (although at full cost).
    Sunday, May 6th, 2007
    1:54 am
    awesome google search term that someone used to find my website
     can someone with bipolar be held responsible for their threats?
    Saturday, April 14th, 2007
    4:53 pm
    Interview
     I did a short interview a little while back about editing Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. At the time, it only appeared in a newsletter. But now it is online here: http://www.kimmcdougall.com/interviews.html
    Friday, April 13th, 2007
    10:31 pm
    Disappointing Sophomoric Effort
     Today I read a novel that I wrote about two years ago. It took me a month to write and two months to edit. The prose is very loose, but I found it very entertaining. It's amazing how not reading something for two years can turn something that I hated into something that I enjoyed very much.

    I'm looking for readers to tell me if they think it's publishable and to keep an eye out for typos. If you're interested, email me at bradleysands@comcast.net
    Friday, March 30th, 2007
    4:10 pm
    New Issue (#27) of The Dream People Online
     The latest issue of THE DREAM PEOPLE: A JOURNAL OF BIZARRO TEXTS is now online at www.dreampeople.org. It includes my creative nonfiction piece, "How to Write a Short Story!"

    Also featured in this issue are fictions (by Mo Ali, Andrew Coburn, Dawn Corrigan, Kevin L. Donihe, Eckhard Gerdes, Mark Lowe, Laura McCullough & Paul Toth), book reviews (of Forrest Aguirre's Text:UR, Absurdist Monthly Review, Steve Aylett's The Caterer, Tim Conley's Whatever Happens, Ronald Malfi's Via Dolorosa, Carlton Mellick III's The Haunted Vagina & Gina Ranalli's Suicide Girls in the Afterlife), microcriticism (by Michael A. Arnzen), artwork (by D'wayne Murphy & Amy Kollar Anderson) & interviews (with Steve Beard & Eckhard Gerdes).
    Thursday, January 4th, 2007
    9:16 pm
    New Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens!
     ISSUE 5 IS NOW AVAILABLE AT THE JOURNAL'S WEBSITE



    Includes work by Carlton Mellick III, Steve Rasnic Tem, Kris Saknussemm, D. Harlan Wilson, Kevin L. Donihe, Mo Ali, Andersen Prunty, David Holub, Francis Crot, and polycarp kusch.

    SPECIAL OFFER: Buy this issue, and you will also receive a free copy of issue 4 (while supplies last, U.S. shipping only).
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